# 40. Moving Preparations! The Saint Who Can't Endure (4)
The door to Minerva's Library exists everywhere.
The path I walk is the Goddess's path.
And the Goddess's path lies on the road I travel.
It simply means I need to think of the library while passing through an alley.
*If I turn left in this alley, the library's door will be there.*
With just that small thought, I turned at the alley.
Ta-da—
Minerva's Library appeared before my eyes.
It was a moment that brought back memories of the past.
*S-someone, please help me...!*
Ten years ago.
When I fell into this world.
When I was running from thugs in an alley.
Minerva's Library was shining brightly.
*Wh-where is this...?*
*Welcome, wandering soul. Your name is Lee Jun-woo, right? Welcome to another world!*
That's where I first met Minerva, and from then on, I began living as an Apostle of the Goddess.
Though we're close now, at first I resented it.
And.
Now.
I'm standing before Minerva, who's lying on the sofa snoring away.
"...What time is it, and you're sleeping?"
Wake up—!!
"En-enemy attack...!! Oh, it's not...? Jun-woo...? Why are you here...?"
At my loud voice, Minerva woke with a start.
She yawned as if she'd slept well and asked me.
"Haah... Aren't you supposed to be moving? That's why I was sleeping... What do you need, Jun-woo?"
The request was simple.
Just lend me one book.
A book containing Estia's past.
"I'd like you to show me the past."
"Whose past?"
"Estia's."
"No!! Absolutely! Absolutely not!!"
Clang!
Minerva defended herself with double "no's" and double "absolutely's."
Why is she so insistent on refusing?
I need to hear the reason to be convinced.
I demanded an explanation from Minerva.
"Why not, Minerva?"
"Luna, Hare. Their pasts are fine. But Saint Estia's past is absolutely forbidden. I'm saying this for your sake, Jun-woo."
"Are the side effects that severe?"
"...Yes, very severe. The side effects could kill you if things go wrong."
...Side effects that could kill me.
That's certainly dangerous.
If I die while protecting Minerva from the Demon Kings, Minerva would be as good as dead too.
Same goes for the Hero Party I'm raising.
*Still, wouldn't it be fine if we check the future?*
I die.
I don't die.
Minerva has "Lee Jun-woo's Future Series" that can determine which it is.
I roughly stroked Minerva's head to urge her on.
"Minerva. You can just check the future. If I die from the side effects, I just won't read Estia's past. Simple, right?"
"Stop it—! My head—! Stop touching—! Can we— can we talk—?"
"Okay, I'll stop."
"Phew..."
Minerva let out a sigh.
Then she read Lee Jun-woo's Future Series placed on the nightstand beside the bed.
Minerva's eyes were intensely focused, as if she wouldn't miss a single word.
Time passed, and Minerva closed the last page and spoke.
"...You won't die from reading Estia's past. But. You'll need to rest your mind for a while. There are aftereffects."
"Aftereffects? How severe?"
"Your emotions will become very sensitive. The Hero Party will probably be hurt by your words. But they'll grow from it..."
"Hmm..."
In exchange for finding a clue to treat Estia, I'll be sensitive for a while...
When you gain something, you lose something.
It's unclear what kind of hurt I'll cause the Hero Party...
The consolation is that the result leads to the Hero Party's growth.
Is that it?
Anyway...
*If I can't cure Estia's addiction, the Hero Party will be destroyed.*
The Hero Party's destruction would directly lead to the world's destruction, and be connected to mine and Minerva's deaths.
When you think about it, I have no choice in this situation.
I declared to Minerva, who still seemed half-asleep.
"Minerva."
"Yeah?"
"Bring me Estia's past."
"Are you ordering a goddess around, you wanna die..."
"Please."
"Only asking nicely at times like this, how petty...! Fine!"
Minerva grumbled and brought a book from far away.
*Saint Estia's Past*
Already, negative emotions were seeping out from between the pages.
Taking the book from Minerva, I stared at the title for a moment.
I needed to prepare myself mentally.
*...What kind of past does she have, and how can I cure the addiction?*
From now on.
I'll just have to read through it carefully over time.
Creak—
With a resolute heart, I opened Estia's book.
*...*
There...
The tragic collapse of faith was written.
A newborn baby was crying at the entrance of an orphanage supported by the Church.
The parents were nowhere to be seen, and only a paper with "Estia" written on it was there with the blanket wrapped around her.
Thus, Estia's life began at the orphanage.
*Waaah—! Waaah—!*
*There, there, Estia. Eat well...*
Life at the orphanage wasn't bad.
Rather, the orphanage director pitied Estia and took good care of her.
As Estia grew older, she got along harmoniously with the other children and maintained family-like relationships.
*Now, children. You need to eat to grow big and strong, right? Everyone eat well.*
The orphanage director devotedly helped the children grow.
Kind and gentle, she played the role of "mother" among the children.
Thus, Estia grew up lovingly at the orphanage.
"Hehe..."
At nine years old.
She was sitting in the yard looking at the sky.
"Hehe, a butterfly..."
"Estia! What are you doing there!"
"Huh? Rachel? What's wrong?"
"Dummy! Today's the day Berry gets adopted! You should at least say goodbye!"
"Oh, right."
Children raised in orphanages were adopted into other families if they were lucky.
Since the Empire only allowed adoption by wealthy families, there were envious looks toward adopted children.
Estia's thoughts were different from theirs.
Watching Berry leave in fancy clothes, Estia quietly whispered.
"...I like it here though. I want to stay with my family! Do we have to be adopted, Rachel?"
"Yeah, we don't have a choice. The Church tells us to live a new life."
"But I like this life better..."
"Then live at the orphanage forever! I'm going to be adopted by a really fancy rich family!"
"B-but! When you go, tell me first! Got it?!"
"Ugh, fine. Estia!"
Rachel declared her aspirations with a bright smile.
Estia got along best with Rachel, who was the same age, and they understood each other the best.
However.
The day after Berry left, Rachel disappeared from the orphanage without a word.
Estia hurriedly asked the director.
"M-Mom! Where did Rachel go..?!"
"Oh, Rachel... That child was suddenly adopted."
"What...?! S-suddenly adopted...?! W-without even saying goodbye to me...? Wh-why...?"
I hate Rachel...
Estia shed tears in disappointment.
She hated Rachel, but she was her closest friend, so she wanted to see her again.
Even as time passed and she grew older, she couldn't forget her closest friend.
And one year later.
When Estia turned ten.
"Estia. Congratulations. Your adoption has been decided."
Estia's adoption was decided.
Without even a chance to say goodbye to the other children, she got on a carriage and headed somewhere.
White priests sat beside her in the carriage.
*Wh-where are we going...? This is...? Th-this isn't a house...?*
The grand and massive Church of the Goddess.
The carriage stopped at the Church, which could be called the center of the religious order.
The white priests dragged Estia out.
Unlike the word "adoption," their manner was rough.
Entering the Church, when she saw the deep, dark underground passage, Estia finally realized.
"E-everyone... wasn't adopted... but... c-came to a place like this...? Rachel... Berry... the other kids too...?"
The adoptions conducted by the Church.
Were just lies to deceive them.
She realized that children were being imprisoned here.
"N-no...! Th-they all went home...! T-to good homes...!"
"Shut up!"
The priests threw Estia inside iron bars.
There were many girls and boys who looked around her age.
"Get inside."
"Aaah—!!"
Thud—
Estia was thrown inside the bars and looked around.
Children covered in needle-like wounds all over their bodies.
Their eyes were uniformly lifeless, fallen into deep despair.
"Th-this can't be... I-it must be a dream... Th-the Goddess... the Church wouldn't do this..."
I-it's a joke.
This must be a joke.
Estia refused to believe what she saw before her eyes and shouted beyond the bars.
"S-save me—!! I-I was—!! A-adopted—! Th-there must be some mistake—"
"Shut up. Trash. For the prosperity of humanity. Stay still."
A priest leading children to be used in experiments.
Dozens of children were walking with their hands bound.
Among them, she saw a familiar face.
The reunion with the friend she wanted to see took place in prison.
"Ah, aah...!! R-Rachel—!!"
"..."
"A-answer me—!! Rachel—!!"
"..."
Step— Step—
Rachel walking without saying a word.
That was her closest friend.
Rachel's last appearance.
"Th-the other kids too... became like Rachel...?"
After that, Estia couldn't see Rachel.
One by one, children were dragged away for experiments.
"The loudly chattering bitch. Now it's your turn."
"Ah, aah..."
This is a dream.
Please let it be a dream.
Estia was led by the priest's hand and dragged to the laboratory.
They laid Estia on a bed and tied her with ropes so she couldn't move.
With indescribable fear, Estia couldn't breathe properly.
"Test Subject 51. Begin administration. Bring the syringe, Eric."
"I-I don't want a shot..."
As if Estia's will didn't matter.
Holy Knight Eric brought the syringe.
He hesitated for a moment before Estia, but eventually handed it over.
And...
"The experiment starting now will be recorded, and if the experiment succeeds... you'll become a wonderful person who brings happiness to people."
"I-I don't want to... I-I don't want to do this..."
"If you didn't want this, you should have been born under good parents."
Stab—
The experimenting doctor.
The Pope inserted a syringe filled with Divine Power into Estia's arm.
"Ah, aaah—!! S-save me—!! Ah, aaah—!! Please—!!"
Estia writhed in pain.
It was agonizing.
She wished someone would kill her.
But only two pairs of eyes watched her.
They didn't even give a slight reaction.
Time passed.
"Haah... haah..."
"...Test Subject 51. First experiment successful. Send her back to her place."
Estia passed the first experiment and was sent back to prison.
When a day passed.
The number of children in the same prison had drastically decreased.
Only deep despair consumed Estia.
She too, like the other children, lost the life in her eyes.
Until they obtained the result called "Holy Water" from the experiments.
"31st experiment successful. Divine Power reaction is coming from Subject 51's body. Eric, bring someone, anyone."
"Yes."
One child brought from prison.
They fed that child the Divine Power that came from Estia's hand.
Then, life began to return to eyes that had always been filled only with despair, and the child smiled as if happy.
The Pope expressed his enthusiasm at the sight.
"...Success!! Eric! Success! Finally, the Church can obtain great 'power'!! Haha!!"
A drug-like substance.
And Estia, who could create it.
The Pope intended to exploit her as a very good business.
"Now if we lock up Subject 51 and have her produce Holy Water like a factory..."
However.
"...No, let's not do that. Rather, how about making her a Saint? Her appearance will be good later, and from what I've observed, her mind isn't bad either. She's perfect for a Saint."
"A Saint...?"
Eric looked at Estia with greedy eyes.
She was in terrible shape from being locked in prison, but it seemed she would become a tremendous beauty when she grew up.
Therefore, Eric with his greedy gaze said to the Pope.
"Let's turn Subject 2 into a factory. But let's raise this child's influence in the Church under the name of Saint. Don't you think that's a good idea?"
"...Not bad words, Eric. Subject 51 has endured well so far. Show her heaven."
"Yes."
Drip drip—
Holy Water falling from Estia's hand.
Eric collected it in a cup.
And into the mouth of Estia, who couldn't regain her senses.
Holy Water poured down.
A blessing descended from a life of suffering.
Powerful Holy Water leading to happiness.
Estia gained hope to live again.
*Ah, aah... I-I... can live with this... Goddess... thank you... You've saved me...*
Holy Water filled the heart emptied by pain.
Life returned to Estia's eyes.
Having gained in an instant the happiness she couldn't obtain.
Estia could live again as a person, not a test subject.
Having obtained heaven-like happiness through the power of Holy Water.
With just that, Estia could survive any suffering.
"Subject 51, no, Estia will grow very well and become a strength to our order."
Thus, receiving Eric's attention, Estia could escape the basement.
With her natural cunning and the merit of directly producing Holy Water, she could even rise to high positions in the order.
However, the indelible wounds in her heart weren't erased, and she had no choice but to lean on Holy Water.
Dependence.
The meaning of life existed because of Holy Water.
"Rachel... Berry... Judy... Elin... I hope you're all happy in heaven... I-I'm so lonely..."
I'm sorry for surviving alone.
Soothing her lonely and desolate heart with Holy Water.
Estia lived at the top of the Church.
What followed was the situations from when she was kidnapped until now.
That was the gloomy past of the Saint who should have been radiant.
"..."
"Jun-woo, are you okay...?"
"I'm... not okay."
I feel like my mind has been bitten and gnawed by insects.
Aftereffects.
In Saten's case, the physical pain was greater.
However, experiencing Estia's past, mental pain dominated my body.
At a level similar to when I lost my master Aina.
It was hard to even breathe properly.
"Haah, damn it..."
The Church.
To think they were conducting such experiments on young children.
I had roughly guessed, but experiencing it through Estia's past, the pain was beyond words.
Continuous experiments and repeated Divine Power administration.
Children disappearing daily and anxiety about survival.
All of it gathered together and tormented the young child named Estia.
"Probably, if it weren't for the Holy Water... Estia might have become a doll..."
The driving force that keeps Estia living.
Holy Water.
Without it, Estia would have been no different from a corpse.
She had lived through hard times leaning on Holy Water.
So I...
"I'll redirect Estia's dependence on Holy Water. To something else. That's the treatment method... right, Minerva?"
"I can't answer about such major matters. So..."
Please take good care of that child, Jun-woo.
Minerva, who was closest to the Saint, said so with a sad expression.
I nodded.
I organized my emotions as much as possible and left the library.
And...
"Hare, did you think I didn't know how you felt?"
"Sob, Mr. Jun-woo... I'm sorry... sob, I was wrong... sob..."
With emotions sensitized from experiencing Estia's past.
I ended up hurting Hare.