The Extra’s Academy Survival Guide - Chapter 169

Quite some time had passed since I first entered and interacted with others, building relationships with the various people of that world.

In the process, I got along well with certain people, forming a special relationship with them. There were also a lot of people who I ended up getting forcefully involved with, and now we had somewhat ambiguous relationships.

But that’s just how human relationships normally are. You can’t get along well with everyone.

I’d lived a busy life.

I was currently taking a break, but when I first came to Acken Island and crawled on the dirt floor, there were barely any days where I was able to sleep properly.

The reason I lived like that was simple. I had to survive.

Each semester, there were a few real threats that threatened my life.

Shortage of food, suffering from the cold or heat, or getting sick… aside from the issues of my survival, there were many times I had to fight for my life because of the enemies in the storyline… Certainly, every moment I lived, there had been a series of threats.

Reality was different from the movies.

Even when you bickered with the opposite sex like you were on a school trip or enjoyed walking on that tightrope of a relationship while clutching your pounding heart, time continued to pass, and the seasons changed.

Engaging in a playful conversation and enjoying such a bright atmosphere, there wouldn’t be any time to take care of the cabin, spreading out the hunting traps, or waiting for your prey to get caught without having it go bad.

Even on a battlefield where bullets flew, there were couples who exchanged words of love.

Only in a movie was it possible for a beautiful love story between two lovers who went against their cruel fates to exist.

However, on a real battlefield, love was nothing more than a weakness.

The tragedies that struck always took place without any foreshadowing.

One day, when you see your lover on a stretcher with a bullet pierced through her head and her cold lifeless eyes… That feeling of love turned into a curse that corroded your body and mind.

The main character might feel as if the world is particularly cruel to him, but in reality, the spotlight never shone on him.

Even the death of his lover was just a passing background moment, like the deaths of the other soldiers.

Looking at such a scene countless times, you will naturally come to realize it.

A situation in which a blade was right below your neck. If you had the time to put up one final struggle before your death, you must completely focus solely on your survival to stay alive.

How many times had I nearly died just on the journey to Rothstaylor Mansion?

The reason I was able to survive in the face of numerous threats that put my life at risk was because I focused solely on surviving.

Because of that longing for survival, my comrades always called me a ‘cockroach.’

Even if you threw me naked into the middle of the desert, I would somehow survive until I died of old age.

I always made self-suggestions.

Prioritizing my work and doing what was necessary first, I was a mechanical device that needed to stay rational and logical anywhere, in any place.

Whether it was a battlefield where countless people died, or an academy that was full of love and romance.

If there was a blade right under my neck right now, the first thing I would prioritize is my survival.

I lived such a life until I left the battlefield and started to relax a bit. There wasn’t much that could shake me.

My cold-hearted reasoning had always clearly determined the importance and priorities of my work.

“A person who has a frozen heart.”

Only then did an old memory buried in the other side of my brain come to mind.

“Your harsh reality made you like that, but the world isn’t just days filled with cold snow and rain. Surprisingly, there are also many sunny and warm days as well.”

“But if you get too used to looking up at a snowy and rainy sky, it will rain tomorrow as well… The human psyche is what forces you to think like that.”

“I hope that one day you will meet someone who can melt that ice in your heart like snow.”

Memories from the battlefield or memories after retirement? I couldn’t remember which it was all that well… But it was a rather sad voice.

“Until then, even if it’s cold, keep your collar tight and bear with it. You are strong, so you can do it.”

* * *

“Ed, you always worry about a lot of things, but this time it feels different.”

Yennekar Palerover spoke with a heavy voice and serious expression across from him at the campfire.

Unfortunately, the reason I was embarrassed wasn’t because it was a heavy and serious issue. It was simply because I was busy thinking about how to react to Merilda’s whims.

If I suddenly went and kissed Yennekar because of Merilda’s whims, wouldn’t it be fine?

Being embarrassed and cringing because I kissed her would quickly pass. So, if I decided to, I could quickly just grab onto Yennekar’s lower jaw and match our lips.

However, I also needed to consider Yennekar, who was on the receiving end.

After kissing her all of a sudden, she’d be confused as to what just happened.

Once she found out that I kissed her because I was forced to by Merilda’s shallow whims, I didn’t think she’d be all that happy.

In order to gain information about the remains of the ultimate spirits, which Merilda knew, I would need to casually go and kiss her… However I looked at it, wasn’t that too irresponsible?

Maybe it would be fine if it were someone I didn’t really know. However, Yennekar Palerover was a close colleague of mine who I had known the longest since I’d come to that world.

I didn’t want to treat her poorly.

If that were the case, wouldn’t it be enough to just kiss her, person to person? Regardless of Merilda’s whims.

I wasn’t sure. Thinking back on it, I didn’t think that was it, either.

No matter how I felt about it, once Yennekar learned the truth she would surely think that I had kissed her because of Merilda’s whims.

Then, there was only one last possibility.

I could tell Yennekar the entire truth and ask her if we could kiss.

…I wasn’t an expert on dating, but I knew that the last choice was the worst.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t say it, Yennekar. I think this is a problem that I will have to slowly think about by myself.”

After saying that, I tried to change the subject with her.

However, Yennekar started to puff out her cheeks and open her eyes wide, as if she took my message a different way.

“…Really?”

Was she heartbroken?

Was she sad because she thought we were able to share everything with each other no matter what person it was, but in the end, there was something that I had kept hidden from her…? Yennekar started to grunt.

“Uuuugh!”

For a while, Yennekar made strange noises as she pounded her feet.

From my point of view, I had nothing to say. The only thing I could do was stare at Yennekar as if embarrassed.

“…Ed, can I ask you a strange question?”

“…Ask whatever you want.”

“I’m debating whether it would be better to ask you more about it to somehow make you tell me your worries. Or would it be better to pretend that I don’t see it?”

“…You’re asking me about that?”

Yennekar sighed deeply as she grunted.

She then looked up at the sky, thinking carefully, as if trying to decide on what to say.

At some point, the sun started to set. For me, I was thinking about the fact that it was only now nighttime.

Ever since I started resting, the days had become noticeably longer. It felt rather luxurious, since I normally spent my days splitting them up into several parts to get all of my work done.

“I’m afraid that you will be bothered by me.”

Suddenly, as if she finally succeeded in figuring out what to say in a single sentence…

Yennekar spoke.

“What?”

“I don’t want to be a burden to you, Ed.”

From my point of view, I had no idea what kind of thought process she had to come to such a conclusion.

Yennekar Palerover had always been someone who wanted to be helpful to me without ever really causing me any harm.

It wasn’t like Yennekar to worry about being bothersome or a burden to me… Wasn’t that someone the people around her should be worried about, rather than Yennekar herself?

Seeing such unexpected worries come from her, I looked at Yennekar with an absurd expression on my face.

“Y-You look like you have mixed feelings… Ed.”

“No matter what I say, you’re only going to take it as me being polite to comfort you. So, I was thinking about what I should say so you don’t think like that.”

“I-Is that so…?”

“Well, I guess I can’t do anything besides say it in a straight-forward manner. How you take it is up to you.”

After saying that, I also looked at the setting sun as I casually spoke.

“You’ve never been a burden to me, Yennekar.”

Not too exaggerated, but not too heartless.

Telling the truth as-is was the answer to most problems.

“That’s all it is.”

Yennekar listened to me as she stared blankly at the campfire for a moment. She then smiled softly.

Was she happy with that answer? Or was it a feeling of relief?

I couldn’t really pinpoint which one it was. The human heart was like that, a burning campfire that shot sparks here and there.

Since human emotions were so complex, it was impossible to say that the psychology behind Yennekar’s warm smile was just one thing.

Fortunately, she didn’t look worried.

“I see…”

But hearing the words she said after, I realized that I had dug my own grave.

“Then I will question you about it, Ed!”

“…What?”

“What are you worried about? What is it?! Tell me already!”

Did I choose the wrong option?

Yennekar spoke while shaking her arms with an excited expression on her face.

“Your worries are also mine, so tell me quickly!”

Yennekar put down her wand and luggage as she took a small wooden chair from the corner of the camp, sat down in front of me, and faced me.

Her back must have been pretty hot, because it was close to the fire. But acting as if it were nothing, Yennekar sat right in front of me, looking straight at me.

“……”

“I won’t move until you tell me.”

“Then you’re going to start sweating on your back. Isn’t it uncomfortable…?”

“It’s even more uncomfortable to see you struggling with something by yourself.”

At that point, Yennekar was acting even more stubbornly as she clenched her teeth and stomped on the floor.

At that point, I couldn’t say anything, but I also couldn’t really ignore it, either. It would have been better if I didn’t even bring it up in the first place.

As I thought about what to do over and over again, I finally opened my mouth.

“If we think about the problem together, we’ll find the solution in no time! So, don’t struggle on your own for no reason and tell…”

“Can you kiss me just once?”

Yennekar couldn’t finish her sentence as she froze.

* * *

“M-Merilda, seriously… Why is she saying such useless things? “

Was the color of human skin bright red and not flesh?

Yennekar, who had just been stubbornly standing right in front of me with her back to the campfire, had now widened the distance between us like before. She went to a flat rock far away as she turned around and sat down.

Rather than her face blushing, her entire skin tone itself had changed as she repeated the same words.

“I-It’s definitely something worth worrying about Ed…. S-Since I’m right in front…. N-Nevermind. But how much did Merilda say…? Huh…?”

I couldn’t hastily say something, since I couldn’t tell if she was murmuring to herself or if she was talking to me.

However, I told her exactly what I was thinking about without beating around the bush.

If Merilda pushed me to go and kiss Yennekar like that, then it would only be unfair to Yennekar.

I am not a person who is so greedy that I would play with another person’s heart.

However, there was one thing I had to make clear.

“I feel embarrassed saying this, but there is something else to say…”

As I slowly opened my mouth, Yennekar glanced at me. The way she sat with her back straight and completely attentive made it seem like I was an extremely important person.

“So… About… the feelings… you have for me… I roughly know… In fact, not knowing about it at this point is ridiculous.”

“S-Stop! S-Stop for now!”

Yennekar covered her mouth with a trembling hand as she avoided eye contact.

I felt bad seeing her tremble and stomp on the ground as if she were an herbivore in front of a bunch of predators.

“Ed, I can’t breathe…”

“……”

“A-Alright… Well…! That’s how it is! Yes! I am… Uhm… Why would I have acted so kindly towards you if I didn’t feel anything?! In fact, that’s obvious! There’s no need to get embarrassed and ruin the mood over this, right?! W-We are both grownups! S-So why should we start acting awkwardly with each other?! Ah! Ahhh!”

Saying that, Yennekar’s eyes looked more nervous than anyone else in the world.

It was probably because I thought of Yennekar as a girl who came out of a fairytale that I couldn’t help but nod my head. She had that side to her.

However, if Yennekar Palerover was like the main character in a fairy tale, I was a cockroach struggling in the gutters of a harsh reality.

Chewing my way out of there, a part of it still remained.

“I’m sorry. Because I am like this…”

“H-Hmmm… ?”

“I’ve lived in an environment where I was constantly worried for my survival, so I had to put everything else aside.”

On the other hand, there was also the weight of the tragedies I had seen.

Those who saw the sight of their loved ones being shot and carried away on a stretcher all fell apart.

The reason I had hostility towards that wasn’t because I thought it was pathetic to be in a relationship even when one’s life is on the brink of imminent danger.

For a person who might die at any moment to recklessly get close with another only added on another burden.

In a situation where you couldn’t even take responsibility for your own life, how could you think about the person who would have to deal with your death?

The pain of a broken heart was temporary, but it would eventually heal. However, the pain of losing someone was much more likely to last a lifetime.

It would be difficult for them to ever get back on their feet, and for most people, they would usually collapse, unable to overcome the pain.

Had I known that, I would have acted more carefully.

I shouldn’t have interacted with others carelessly.

I had gone through many hardships. The storyline twisted a lot, and the development of the story had also changed quite a bit, but… Regardless, I made it that far by prioritizing my survival.

The battle for imperial power, the war within the house, and the subjugation of Velbrok. The remaining hardships were something that I needed to take care of soon. However, the remaining hardships were much more severe and difficult than the ones I had overcome already.

If I could overcome all of those hardships and finally hold a Silvenia diploma in my hands…

With the abilities I had gained, the things I’d gone through, and the connections I made, if I could finally leave Acken Island and live my life to the fullest…

If all of the disasters that were to happen according to the storyline of were resolved, and I could stand on my own two feet in the world…

When that time came, would I be able to break free from my fear of death… And dream of an even bigger future?

Would the day come where I could finally escape from worrying about, ‘How will I survive’, and instead start to worry about, ‘How will I live?’

“I became like this, living such a life. I’m not a person that deserves to be loved.”

The sound of wood burning in the campfire.

At some point, the sun had almost fully set, and the night was slowly creeping in.

As was typical of night in the northern forest, it was completely at peace.

Living in the camp all that time, it seemed at some point I naturally also became a part of the forest as well.

“Don’t say that, Ed.”

Suddenly looking at her, her expression was rather calm. At the same time, she looked quite sad.

She was no longer red, and it seemed like she had regained her composure.

“You aren’t as cold-blooded as you think.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

“I mean it. It’s just like you said earlier. I’m worried that no matter what I tell you, you are just going to take it as me being polite to comfort you. That’s exactly how I feel right now.”

Yennekar turned around again as she looked straight at me.

“The reason you thought so hard about it and were embarrassed was because you were being considerate of me. Like you said, if you kissed me because of Merilda, I would have probably felt rather upset. But right now… I’m happy…”

“……”

“I-It might sound a bit silly, but… A-Anyway… You thought correctly. Seriously… M-Merilda! Doing something so useless! S-Seriously… T-To make us worry about something like this!”

Once again Yennekar started to tremble as she breathed heavily.

“Anyway… Just pretend I didn’t say that earlier, Yennekar. Kissing you like that wouldn’t be polite to you. We don’t need to play along with Merilda’s whims.”

“E-Ed… But the remains of that spirit Merilda spoke of… Don’t you need them?”

The remains of the ultimate spirit.

It was a mysterious artifact that would dramatically increase stats related to my elementalism, which was slowly growing slowly… But there were many other ways to discover it by grilling Merilda.

There was no reason to have to go through with this.

“I’ll take care of it, so just… pretend that you didn’t hear anything. Either way, even if you’re okay with it now, I’m not fine with it. I really don’t want to use you like some tool.”

“E-Ed. I’m happy to hear that, but… In fact, I came up with a groundbreaking method.”

“…What?”

Yennekar took a deep breath as she continued to speak hesitantly, as if reading out an awkward line.

“In short, you were considerate of me, right? Even if I told you that it was fine, you don’t want to do it because it would make you feel gross as if you were using me…?”

After saying that, Yennekar came down from the rock as she came up to me and spoke.

“Actually, the solution is easier than you think.”

“I’m anxious…”

“W-We can just change the subject of it…”

“What?”

“Not you, but I’ll do it.”

Before I could even ask what she was talking about, it happened.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I stopped breathing for a moment.

As for Yennekar, she has a timid temperament and often hesitated in everything she did.

However, there were times when the situation became rather extreme, and she ended up making a quick decision. Also, times where she had to show daring determination.

I didn’t realize that she had such a temperament until it happened.

For a while, only the noises of the grass bugs spread through the forest. Aside from that, there was only silence.

There were only two mouths that could speak, but both of them were being covered.

“Heub…”

Yennekar quickly took a step backwards afterwards, covering her mouth.

Her eyes widened as she glanced towards me a few times. And then, as if realizing what she had done, she started to tighten her shoulders.

“…Uhm… Yenn…”

“Ahh! I’m tired! I came by boat from my hometown, so I’m really tired! I feel like I’m going to pass out! See you tomorrow!”

Before I could say anything, Yennekar ran into her cabin, making a fuss.

It was because she had lost her breath when she made eye contact with me.

Then, with a bang, the door to her cabin closed.

“What…”

Left alone in front of the campfire, I looked at the poker that had fallen to the ground.

“…Wait a minute…”

From my position, should I have been given some time to say something?

For me, it happened completely out of the blue… It was difficult to grasp the situation.

Anyway… There was a strange sense of awkwardness.

The problem was that Yennekar and I lived next door to each other.

Seeing Yennekar suddenly tense up and run away in a fuss after making eye contact… Starting tomorrow, we were going to have to keep seeing each other, as well… That was a major accident.

If she had just kept her composure and said, ‘there, now it’s done’, I could have responded to her appropriately.

Instead, she had run away like that… So, what about me…?

Worried about tomorrow morning, I wiped my face over and over again.