Strange noise resounded within my head on the other side of the gate of rebirth. The king of hell was surely making it worse by grumbling so much.
Ugh. I'm tired.
I frowningly rolled over on my bed in fatigue. I was exhausted, and rightly so; I had led the alliance soldiers in battle, drowning a corps of hell's knights before facing the king of hell in an epic fight in which he gave everything. It was almost the result of karma striking back, as I had dragged the evil ruler of the underworld into the portal of rebirth with me.
But I succeeded in the end.
It was absolutely the last resort I had in my mind and the only method that worked according to the Jewel of Truth. I barely managed to even pull it off, but it worked. I had a genuinely satisfactory smile on my face from the feeling of achievement, but it did not last long.
"...Moving onto today's forecast."
An unfamiliar voice characterized by eloquence spoke out.
I must be dreaming.
I suspected it came from the dream and rolled to the other side. However, that peculiar voice continued to speak.
"Dressing in warm clothes is definitely recommended, as the Siberian High of early winter has carried some cold air from the north. The temperature in Seoul fell to fifteen degrees this morning-"
Huh...?
I wasn't dreaming. The voice was surely coming from next to me.
But how?
I realized something hadn't gone according to the plan. I clearly passed the gate of rebirth and was supposed to go through an after-death process like choosing from a selection of new lives to lead. But I was hearing the news report on today's weather.
I opened my eyes in curiosity and froze to the spot immediately.
"...The presence of strong wind will make it feel even colder and the temperature will drop to an annual low during the weekend."
The television was the only thing that emanated light in a dark room. I could see the serious look on the face of someone dressed in an outfit that was as clean and neat as her manner of speech.
"News...?" I mumbled inadvertently.
The reporters sharing the weather forecast through the news channel would look like that. She elegantly smiled as she added, as if she had just heard me and was responding.
"Snow flurries may fall in the northern Gangwon Province in the mountainside, with high waves out in the sea."
It felt as though an avalanche was falling in my heart.
"What the hell's going on?" I complained without even realizing it.
"...from weather forecast for today. Thank you."
I closed my lips as the old, barely working television let out delightful music to mark the ending of the news. It certainly looked familiar. It made me feel nauseous. I was shaking my two hands in frustration when I recognized the television I had in the tiny room back in Seoul. I was in that very place again.
What the...?
I wondered why I was back in this place. It drove me out of my mind; I looked around restlessly like an unstable person, failing to look at a single spot as I got reminded of the familiar odor of mold and saw the yellowed walls and soggy bed sheets and blanket.
An old cell phone with a cracked screen lay next to my pillow. I was in disbelief and denial as I turned on the cell phone and checked today's date. I tossed the device on the bed as soon as I verified it and went straight outside.
"Ugh..." Blergh.
I felt extremely nauseous. I had to go to the public bathroom and empty my stomach. I then noticed my own face in the mirror.
My face was yellowed from the lack of proper nutrition, not to mention the bags underneath my eyes from chronic fatigue. My lips were dry and my hair was unkempt. I was tearing up.
I was asking myself who I was, why I was here, and why today's date indicated it was the morning after the day in which I had found myself in Lloyd's body.
This can't be. Can it?
Tears dripped down my cheeks against my will. I couldn't comprehend all this, because I had clearly jumped into the gate of rebirth, carrying the king of hell in my arms. I was supposed to be given a new life and opportunity. I was appalled by the realization that I had returned to the life in the tiny room, which I dreaded the most, and the morning after the day I left this wretched place as I found myself in the body of Lloyd Frontera, no less.
Come on. This is unfair.
I was sad and upset. I didn't know what I was so furious about, but I was.
Crush!
I inadvertently threw a punch at my own face in the reflection, cracking the mirror and leaving a scar on my own fist. But it did not hurt. I was too frustrated to feel the physical pain.
"Ha. Haha. Ha."
There was nothing else I could do except laugh bitterly. I was way too devastated. It was too overwhelming.
♣
I did not know how I spent my morning. I couldn't process all this, save for the fact that I had definitely returned to the body of Kim Suho.
I picked up my cell phone as I lay down powerlessly and noticed three missed calls that came in the morning. I didn't have to check to know who had called.
They were probably wondering if I wasn't coming to work.
I then recalled the incident that transpired several years ago, and the construction site I used to work at until immediately before I found myself in Lloyd Frontera's body. But that happened just yesterday in this timeline. I genuinely wondered if all that had just been an extremely long and realistic dream: from endeavoring to make it happen and toiling under the sun, to enjoying spending time with others and overcoming all those hardships in the Frontera Estate, the royal capital of Magenta, and in the continent of Lorasia.
Javier... and my queen.
I also remembered the count and the countess, as well as Julian, not to mention Ppodong, Bangul, Hamang, Bibeong, and Ggoming. The faces of everyone with whom I came into contact while I spent time in the body of Lloyd Frontera came up in my head, as well as the memories of such. That was what made it even more devastating and agonizing.
I was overwhelmed with fear, but there was something I wanted to check. So I turned on the novel app on my phone and looked at the list of series I had read. I found The Knight of Blood and Iron and tapped it open, wondering if my life as Lloyd Frontera had been reflected in the story to change its contents. I hoped to see the traces of my endless efforts and the delightful yet arduous events I had experienced. I was scared but excited.
But that excitement turned to disappointment and fear of misery in no time.
There was none. I couldn't find a single trace of myself and what I had done in any part of the story. Lloyd Frontera died in the beginning, as well as the count and the countess. Javier left the estate and began his long journey to become the knight of blood and iron. The entire series was still about the epic story of this man. It was as if all I had done as Lloyd never transpired, or it was all just a dream.
No. No way.
I couldn't accept it. I put on the old parka jacket and left the tiny room and got on the subway, still in denial. Perhaps some were bothered by the presence of a man who seemed out of it, but I did not care. There was only one thing that I had in my mind.
Namsan.
I wondered if there would be traces of what I did there. There had to be.
Because I was there with Javier before.
Lloyd had gone there to find the last remaining key material required for the construction of the Jewel of Truth. I recalled revisiting Seoul and hiking in Namsan, after being transported here through dragon king Verkis's dimensional drift spell. A part of the fence on which couples left locks to pray their love would last forever, was the material I was looking for. I had taken it back to the other realm.
There must be a trace. A new fence must have been installed to replace the missing one.
There had to be a part that was newer than others, with visibly less rust or blemishes.
That's all I gotta find.
Then I was going to know for sure I really visited this place with Javier, and that it wasn't a dream. That was the evidence that I had really experienced what I did.
Please.
Even if I couldn't go back to the Frontera Estate, I desperately wished for the events to have been real. Nothing was going to devastate me more than to find out that it was all just a dream.
Please.
I hiked in Namsan with desperation, passing by a crowd of people as I panted and panted. I finally got to Namsan Tower and checked out the fence, praying to find what I came looking for. But it wasn't there.
"...Huh?"
There was no such thing as an unrusted, or new fence. Each of the fences was just as old as the one next to it, still carrying the locks left by couples throughout the years. All I could see was the smiles on the faces of people as they giggled romantically.
There was no trace of my visit along with Javier. No evidence could prove that my memories from the past few years were real.
"...So it never happened."
There was no such thing from the start. It was all a dream: a realistically grand one, that deceived me into believing it had been real. It was so sweet and gratifying that I had mistakenly thought it was true. That was it.
"Ha. Haha..."
I could only laugh bitterly in defeat. I walked powerlessly down the hill and passed through another crowd of happy people. Couples, friends, and family were giggling together in joy as I walked down the stairs all alone. I didn't know where I was going. I only walked restlessly and wandered, with the glimpse of hope I couldn't let go of, that Javier would start bantering with me. That the queen would smile at me and ask for a spar. I stopped walking and placed my hands in the inner pocket of my old parka jacket, but there was no Ppodong, Bangul, Hamang, Bibeong, or Ggoming. I couldn't feel the presence of the skeleton corp or Yong Yong. I did not have the mana heart or the circle.
"Ha..."
The sudden, empty laughter by someone wandering like a madman was perhaps a strange sight for others. They gave me dirty stares, but it did not matter. I continued enduring the sharp, cold breeze that made me cough throughout the afternoon until I returned to my tiny room in the evening. My stupid, obnoxious stomach growled, without realizing it wasn't its place to butt in. That was when I realized this.
I didn't eat anything today.
I haven't drunk any water, either. I was starving. I checked my pockets and found two thousand won and spent 1,500 won to buy myself a roll of gimbap from the eatery on the first floor of the building. I was on my way up to the small room when a familiar, yet not very encouraging voice called out to me.
"Room 301."
The superintendent of the building was out in the hallway.
"Why did you break the mirror in the bathroom this morning? Others told me it was your doing," asked the superintendent with a frown on their face.
I did not reply. I only stared at the super blankly, until I was met with a sighing response.
"What the hell is up with you? Enough is enough. Isn't it about time you realized you can't cause inconveniences for others like this?"
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't going to cut it. You don't live here alone. You should have reported right away if you broke the mirror. And when are you going to pay your rent for this month? It's been past due for days. And you still had the money to buy yourself a meal?"
The superintendent tapped my bag of food twice and continued.
"While we're at it, I know that bowls of rice and kimchi are complimentary with the rent here, but don't you think you're abusing our kindness when you're not even paying your rent? How long do you plan to keep using the same excuse that you didn't get paid on time?"
"...I'm so sorry."
"You should be. Pay your rent, and I'm also going to bill you for the mirror repair cost. Have I made myself clear?"
"Yeah."
I quickly moved away from the superintendent's dirty look and got into my tiny room, which I could fill easily just by lying down on the floor. The moldy wallpapers welcomed me back in, as I let out a heavy sigh.
"Ha."
I wasn't even mad. I thought about arguing back, but I did not feel like it. I could only laugh bitterly like this and sigh. I took off the old parka jacket and sat on the bed, convincing myself that it was not a big deal. But I couldn't. I didn't understand why.
Gosh.
It was devastating. I couldn't accept the fact that all this had just been an extremely realistic dream. It was so upsetting to acknowledge it. Everything I'd worked so hard for came crumbling down in an instant, and I didn't have the desire or the strength to go on anymore. The fact that I had returned to the hopeless life of Kim Suho withering away in a tiny room full of mold slapped me across the face. It hurt. I was shedding tears without realizing it.
Knock. Knock.
Someone knocked on the door. I wondered if the super came back to bicker at me about the mirror again.
What this time?
I quickly wiped the tears off my face and tried to act nonchalant as best as I could. I strengthened my resolve not to show my weak side over and over again, as I slowly opened the door.
"...Huh?"
And there he was. The man that I missed so much, because I thought I would never get to see him again, was standing right outside the door. He was looking straight at me through teary eyes, with a hint of joy on his face.
"...I missed you so much, Master Lloyd," said Javier with a bright, tearful smile.
