# 115. The Hero Party's Regret (2)
*Click-clack, click-clack.*
The sound of neat shoes echoed through the corridor.
Late dawn, when everyone had fallen asleep.
For Cecilia Saten, who was nocturnal, this was when her energy was most active.
Saten went down to the first floor and carefully knocked on the door.
*Knock knock.*
"Mister, are you asleep?"
"..."
No answer came.
*Is he sleeping?*
Just in case he didn't hear.
Saten knocked on the door again.
A bit harder this time.
*Bang bang!*
"Mister, are you asleep?"
Did putting more force into it work?
She heard movement from inside the room.
The movements seemed somewhat urgent, and after some time, the door opened cautiously.
"Saten...? What's the matter at this late hour...?"
"Sorry, it seems you were sleeping."
"..."
"I have something to talk about for a moment. May I come in?"
"...Alright."
Lee Jun-woo headed inside while fixing his disheveled hair.
Saten followed him.
It was a moment when she felt nervous for the first time in a while.
"...Was I being a bit of a nuisance?"
"It's fortunate that you know you're being a nuisance."
"...I'm sorry. I'll ask my question and leave quickly."
"Alright."
*Throb.*
Saten's heart ached at the cold response.
Her heart hurt even more knowing that she was the one who had created this situation.
However, not wanting to hurt anymore, she decided to take action.
"Mister."
"Sit in the chair and talk."
"...Mister. I have a question."
"Go ahead, ask."
"Why don't you scold me?"
*Clench.*
Backing the yellow light coming from the lamp, Saten clenched her fists tightly.
For her, with her strong pride, asking why he wouldn't scold her required a lot of courage.
Lee Jun-woo looked straight at Saten.
"Saten, what do you mean by that?"
"Exactly what I said. I did something wrong. If you do something wrong, it's natural to be scolded. If you're scolded, it's right to be punished. But why aren't you giving me that process?"
"..."
Though it was something said by someone who had committed a wrong, there was nothing incorrect in Saten's words.
Perhaps that's why.
Lee Jun-woo couldn't easily answer Saten's words.
"...Your words are right, Saten. However, I still have no intention of punishing you all."
"Then, do you plan to keep treating us coldly?"
"...I didn't intend to."
"Then, back to how it was before—"
"No."
Lee Jun-woo cut off Saten's words.
He looked down at the floor and spoke to Saten in a low voice.
It felt somehow painful.
"I still need some time."
"...Until when?"
"I can't give you a definite answer."
*Clench.*
Saten bit her lip.
It was a head she always held high and proud.
But today, it gradually looked downward.
"I can't feel emotions properly. So I can't understand you, Mister."
"Having emotions doesn't mean you can understand everyone."
"But you'd understand 'better.' Mister, how many emotions can I currently feel?"
"There are many emotions, so I can't count them precisely. But broadly speaking, two."
"...I see."
Saten nodded as if she understood and stood up from the chair.
"I've learned all the information I wanted to know. I also learned that you don't want to answer questions. So I..."
*I'll wait as you said, Mister.*
*Until you finish sorting out your emotions.*
*I'll wait.*
Saten said this and bowed her head.
"I'm sorry for the late hour. I'm also sorry for trying to erase your memories. My greed was too great. I'll be going now."
"...Alright."
Though Saten's questions weren't resolved, she had no choice but to go back.
All she could do now was trust and wait for him.
*'Mister has no intention of forgiving me right now.'*
*That's a bit unpleasant.*
Saten opened the door to the room, leaving the pain behind.
Before completely leaving the room, Lee Jun-woo said one thing to her.
"It's not your fault, Saten."
"...Thank you for the lie, Mister."
A gentle tone.
Feeling his voice as if it had returned to the old days.
Saten headed toward her room.
In the room where the yellow light had gone out as time ran out.
Lee Jun-woo muttered alone.
"If there's a fault, it would be mine..."
In the dark dawn room.
Lee Jun-woo recalled what had happened at the library.
*I didn't expect to come to the library this quickly.*
*But it couldn't be helped.*
I sat in a chair and made eye contact with Minerva.
"Minerva."
"...Yeah."
"My thinking is correct, right?"
"...Right."
If Estia was called a traitor.
Then Minerva must also be on the side of trying to erase memories.
It was something I was almost 100% certain about.
But hearing it directly from her mouth was more shocking.
Since it seemed like it would be a long conversation, I sat across from Minerva.
"Why did you do it?"
"...What?"
"Why did you try to erase my memories using Estia?"
Estia could only cloak herself in Divine Power and make her strength stronger.
How could such an Estia try to erase my memories?
That was something I realized after learning the meaning of traitor.
Minerva avoided Lee Jun-woo's eyes and spoke timidly.
"Using her... I just gave her a choice... I just suggested a direction that would help you..."
"Help? Is that really something you should be saying right now, Minerva?"
*Flinch.*
Minerva trembled at Lee Jun-woo's words.
It was a gesture that showed she was quite frightened.
"Why, why are you getting angry..."
"I'm not angry. I'm just asking. Why did you do it?"
"...You are angry though."
"Answer."
"O-okay...! I'll tell you...!!"
Minerva squeezed her eyes shut and shouted.
"Be-because...! It's much better for you to lose your memories...!! That's why I tried to erase them! Is that enough...!?"
"What? You call that—"
"It's words because I'm saying them! Why! What's your complaint! You don't know why I made this choice, Jun-woo!"
*Hiss, hiss.*
At first, she knew she had done wrong.
But the more she spoke, the more wronged Minerva felt.
She finally burst out in anger and shouted.
"You, you don't even know how many books I've read... If it's going to be like this, quit being an Apostle! Jun-woo, why do you live like that!"
"Is that really what you should be saying right now—"
"I'm not done! There's more! Jun-woo, be honest! You, what were you planning to do after the Hero Party defeated the Demon King? Did you think I wouldn't know?"
"What...?"
"You were going to die. You were going to take your own life after killing all the Demon Kings. Am I wrong?"
Lee Jun-woo fell silent at Minerva's words.
*'I tried to hide it until the end, but as expected, there's no fooling the Goddess.'*
The mistake was probably thinking I wouldn't be caught in the first place.
Minerva's Library contains all information except for the Demon Kings.
When Lee Jun-woo didn't speak, Minerva, feeling frustrated, shouted.
"Jun-woo, I know you. That's why I tried to erase the memories that torment you."
"Memories that torment me...?"
"Yes, memories that drive you to death."
Tormenting memories.
Memories that drive one to death.
*So you think that way too, Minerva.*
That fact hurt Lee Jun-woo's heart even more.
So he shouted back in resistance.
"...Those aren't memories that torment me."
"No, they are tormenting you. They're making it so you can only die. I've read everything. I've read all the books!"
Hanging himself.
Jumping from high places.
After hearing about defeating the Demon King.
The books said Lee Jun-woo immediately put it into action.
"You... you don't know what it was like for me to read those books..."
"You don't know what those memories mean to me either, Minerva."
"I know... Even knowing that, I did it...? I tried to erase your memories because I wanted to save you...!!"
Minerva shouted loud enough to make the library echo.
Her voice was similar to a desperate cry and also contained despair.
Minerva, who had read many books related to Lee Jun-woo, couldn't help it.
"Always Aina... Aina... That's all that's in your head...!! Living in the past...!! Constantly absorbed only in those thoughts...!! I thought it would decrease when the Hero Party was formed... but why are you the same...!! If you're human, you should know how to let go...!! Why do you keep holding onto it...!!"
"...I can't help it. What can I do about what's already happened?"
Lee Jun-woo understood Minerva.
Because he knew how difficult it was to read memories.
He knew that Minerva truly cared about him.
*'It would be nice if emotions could move as I wanted...'*
However, emotions choosing on their own was unavoidable.
Even when you don't want them to, your eyes follow, your body moves.
Your mind is always absorbed in those happy thoughts, limiting your thinking.
Having felt such emotions, Lee Jun-woo could never escape from the past.
"I can't erase with my own hands what I've already learned. And even if those are memories that torment me... I can absolutely never erase them."
"Why on earth...!! Are you saying that's better than dying...?"
"Yes."
"Huh...?"
"I have no choice."
*I promised.*
*I have to remember.*
*All the stories of my master who lived as an outcast and was born with talent.*
*The story of the lonely mage that only I know.*
*I have to remember.*
"If I don't remember Aina, who was always alone, who will?"
"...You, you're crazy. Jun-woo, you're crazy... You're my Apostle but you're crazy... You're crazy about memories that hurt you..."
"..."
Lee Jun-woo fell silent at Minerva's disgusted voice.
As Minerva said, he too couldn't deny that he was crazy.